I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
