My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need moral support for this bender
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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