i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
