I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
