I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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