Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
