he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
