I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
