Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
