I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
