the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is wine microwaveable?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
