just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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