I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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