Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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