I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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