Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
