She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We had sex on a dog bed..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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