Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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