Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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