So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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