i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
being pregnant is like rehab
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
