3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
