he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
