I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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