My hand turned me down
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
