The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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