1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
