i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
