Your tits are I can't wait for
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
