Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
