I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
