Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
