I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
