absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
