You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
