I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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