My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
