there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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