U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
