Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
