I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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