no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
