Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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