So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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