theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
