I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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