I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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