Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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