you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
