Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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