i can't believe i had my finger in that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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