there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So here I am, sexting at work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
