He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
