the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
