Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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