i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
