If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
