Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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