two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had sex on a roof
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
