i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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